Funny jokes
- “What time does the library open?” the man on the phone asked.
“Nine A.M.” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”
“Not until nine A.M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice.
“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian said. “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”
“Who said I wanted to get in?” the man sighed sadly. “I want to get out.” - TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.” - News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv… another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
Jokes sms
- Teache: Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’ Student: I is the…. Teacher: Stop, never put is after and I, always put am after an I Student: Ok. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
- This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
- The Judge asked the defendant, “Mr Jones, do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
Mr Jones: “I do.” “Now what do you say to defend yourself?” “Your Honour, under those limitations… nothing.” - A man finds a genie lamp.
He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says “I may grant you 3 wishes, but your wife gets double.”
The man wishes for a new car. The genie gives him a new car and the man’s wife 2 new cars.
The man then wishes for a new house. The genie gives him a new house and the man’s wife 2 new houses.
The man then says, “For my final wish, I wish to be beaten to half-death.”
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- Sardar bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said “My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610″ - A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, ”I can hear voices!”
Two juniors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, ”Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!”
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- Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”
She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”
The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”
She says, “That he did, Father…” The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”
She says, “He said, “Please, Mary, put down that damn gun…”" - SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
